Emotional Entanglement & A Crisis of Mission

Why do I have this crazy and totally fucking insane existence?
People think they know me, what I am going through and what I hear is words intended as comfort and support which are, in fact, nothing of the sort.

If I was an abductee I would have other people to turn to, others I could compare experiences with. But there is nothing. The nearest I am aware of is humans who work with the greys, they are there as helpers. None of these people are grey. None of them think as a grey, none of them lose their human identity. I do. I have withstood years of pain and suffering only to become the 'thing' I am now. I am not a grey, I am not a human. I have been made for my mission and I find the humaness within this construct is tearing at the seams.

In recent months I have begun bringing back to earth, the pain, confusion and fear that humans have. I am sat here today after an experience with upwards of 50 humans, all abductees, all with their own frightening stories of being taken. This experience has left me depressed, tearful and wanting to bring my mission to a halt. I am finding it very difficult to cope with. It's all very well for well-meaning friends to 'talk it over' with me, but that isn't any help at all, not when they haven't experienced from my viewpoint.

I have shut down my Facebook account for a while. I need a break from it. Of course, being off FB changes nothing, the missions go on, leading towards some unknown future conclusion, I will still play my part as the aliens pursue their agenda, of which I play a big part. If only I could bring back some knowledge of what that agenda was. If only I could offer some evidence of what I do and what I become. I feel so lonely, cut adrift in a universe I share with many others, yet come back, the only one with any solid memory of it. but leaving frightened and terrified humans in my wake.
A hybrid freak.
The Monster Under The Bed.
The Darkness in the closet.

I am all these things and probably more if I care to think about it. I wish I knew why. Is there a support group for me? Of course there isn't. I have nowhere to turn. No one to understand. I said further up that 'the humaness within this construct is tearing at the seams.' What do I mean by that? I want this mission to end - end now. But I can't because the non-humanness keeps me on track, like a relentless machine - like The Terminator, going onwards until it's mission is complete and not allowing the humanness to express it's own life.

I do not know what to do.

The Children

Spanning the last couple of months, my time 'away' has been spent focusing on children and the unborn. This is a completely new angle for me and I do come back feeling slightly distressed at what I do, even though care is taken and no harm comes to them. It is the utterly cold and dispassionate way my grey personality works that shakes me. I am at heart a caring and emotional person. But some of this is modified, even removed when I am grey.

In September 2013 I found myself on a ship. One I am very familiar with now, I have been there so many times. On this occasion I was with four other greys AND there was at least two, what I believe, humans in the room. The room was round and curved, even the floor was curved. The place was all white and ironically, I now look back and think it was what the inside of an eggshell might look like.

In small featureless cribs there were human babies. I think there were seven. they ranged in age from what might have been two-years, maybe younger, and to what might have been seven or eight-years old. Then the weirdness happened. Weird to me NOW, but not THEN, at the time I just knew what I was doing and what would happen. My whole mental processes seem to expect a different set of laws of physics to here. Anyway. I lifted my arms slowly and the children began to levitate. Lift out of the cribs. I think some of them may have been unfamiliar with this because some began chuckling and seemed to treat it as a game - and that is exactly what we wanted them to think.
Then a slim object like a rod appears in my hand, not just appear. I rub my fingers lightly together and the seems to grow. Not as a part of my hand, but grows as an object in my palm. I then look back up at the children and they are sailing back and forth across the room, laughing and chuckling with not a care in the world.  swinging back and forth across the egg-shaped room in the way they might on swings.

I am sure when I think of it now, that this might have been a form of distraction technique, to keep their minds relaxed, at ease and easily to manipulate. I remember putting imagery and thoughts to them that they were special. That they had to keep themselves to themselves and not tell people. The kind of thing they were impressed with was that they were being gifted with powers that the other people around them, even their parents might be uneasy about. I gave them imagery that suggested Marvel Superhero kind of thing - as in keeping a special identity secret. This was drilled into their subconscious, and made all the easier by the distracting swinging.

This is part of child preparations I have been helping conduct recently. All of them toddlers.

This one was posted as a Facebook status update, and is the most recent of the event involving children. I was on a ship. I knew we were somewhere over the U.S. I am familiar with the type of ship I was on, been on it so many times. Fairly featureless, curving outer walls and rounded at top and bottom. Very rarely have I ever seen angles, always curves and bends. We had humans on board. six or seven females. I was in my grey personality. The females were naked and one in particular
 I was interested in. I drew her out from the crowd and I think this might have been her first time with us. Her eyes looked terrified, glazed over and I could feel incomprehensible fear coming off her in waves. She was pregnant and I was telling her we weren't going to harm her. That the child was important to us. (in my grey personality I can only ever see these women as incubators nurturing a genetic requirement.) This was an aspect that I found disturbing when I woke in the morning. The fact that I had virtually no sympathy for the females terror. I swept that aside as I telepathically informed her that her child was important to us I rarely have ever interacted with pregnant females, but this last month has been full of this and young human children.

 The moment I woke up I was instantly aware of her name. I also knew that we had monitored her for several years but she was taken due to her pregnancy. The name is Mary Besch. The name means nothing to me, but instantly I awoke in this body I knew her name and this familiarity. Humans look so very much alike so difficult to give any description. But she was a white female and head hair was unidentifiable, so either she is bald, (unlikely), or has shortish blonde/fair hair.

I have to explain that I find none of this frightening, puzzling or strange. All I feel is the sense of guilt that I am conducting conditioning work on babies and pregnant females - and they don't even see me as a human! which can only increase their fear.



 

More Motorway Madness.

Previously Fred had told me about apparitions he saw while on the motorway.
http://aliendimensions.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/random-road-encounters-man-in-white.html
Oddly, as I check back now, those were in September and October 2012. The latest ones happened yesterday, (September again!)

I need to start this entry by stating that Fred is not a drinker, not does he do any kind of medication. He is a courier driver and his livelihood depends upon a clean driving license. Even when we go out for an evening, he will have a very low alcohol drink.

Having clarified that, this is exactly what he experienced on the M1 motorway through Leicester. When suddenly and without warning of any kind he saw what he described as a 'long snake-like object' It was about 15-feet long, 18-inches in diameter. He said it was a smoky grey colour and had no head or tail, just blunted ends. He said it undulated, looping along the road ahead of him. He was doing 70mph in the middle lane and this thing stayed ahead at a consistent speed with him. The thing didn't rise any higher than about a foot from the ground as it moved. Around 20 seconds later it vanished without warning. There was nothing further for several seconds then without any warning a single wellington boot appeared in exactly the same place the 'snake' had been. The boot was black. It was a right foot boot and it hopped along in front of him. I asked how big the boot was and he said about the same height as himself, 5'8" approx. I asked him how he knew it was a right footed boot and he said that as it lifted the heel for a hop, he saw the letter 'R' on the bottom, he also said that boots used to have that on them.

About 20 seconds of this and it disappeared. A few seconds later a third apparition appeared without warning. This he described as a Bollywood-type dancer facing away from him. 'her arms and head were giving it all this.' he said, trying to move his head and arms like an Asian dancer. 20 seconds and she disappeared.

Then he said this sequence repeated itself and continued to do so for about 50 miles. I asked if he was aware that any other drivers saw it and he said he doesn't think so, they showed no indication if they did. There was no warning, Fred didn't see anything, smell or hear anything in the air to indicate any of this.

And so it ends there. I cannot begin to fathom what happened to him, or why. It is just perplexing as well as damn crazy.

A Few Brief Words About Light

I am not a scientist. I know next to nothing about physics. But what I can tell you is that light is the basis for all matter. I see a step towards discovering this has been made by a team led by Harvard Professor of Physics Mikhail Lukin and MIT Professor of Physics Vladan Vuletic. I hope they have the opportunity and financial resources to take this research further. The key to everything in existence is light and it's manipulation.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/09/130925132323.htm

I discussed this with a friend on Facebook some while ago. I explained that humans needed to look at the one consistency in UFO sightings, contact and abduction experiences. That single factor is light. No matter what else you witness there will always be light, and usually lots of it. Bright, powerful and penetrating. Light is manipulated in order to cross dimensions, to travel to the stars. To create ships and the environment conducive to monitoring humans. Light is also the key to creating our bodies. It was used not only to coalesce the grey form I used during The Reading Incidents. It was also manipulated to render me invisible to all except the individuals who were intended to experience it.

Humans have this power available if only they knew, or even remembered how to manipulate it. You can create your surroundings by building with light and transforming it. I really do think this breakthrough by these scientists is a step forward for open research. I just hope the military allow this to be advanced further - they themselves are far advanced in their research, after all, we traded them the knowledge to explore it ;)

AI. Otherkin & the collective unconscious

My colleague and researcher friend, Clive Potter, encapsulated in a previous post what we believe is powering the phenomena of UFO and abduction experiencers. That is, what we term as AI - Artificial Intermediaries acting as a messenger system between the planetary consciousness and true extra-terrestrials. I now want to put it all from my own point of view, plus a wider view that includes a possibly overlooked current sub-cultural trend.

 

AI are constructs that exist in a collective consciousness existing on several levels, human, planetary and universal. These levels maintain the 'existence' of guardian angels and spirit guides, that interact with humans on a daily, personal basis. The array of nature spirits that are encountered in the garden and woodland. And the aliens that have been encountered with increasing volume over the 20th century, and on-going today.

Parallel to the 'experiencer' is a subculture referred to as Otherkin This is a major community within the phenomena, and encapsulates everything we are talking about. Most popularly the otherkin embody, but not exclusively, vampires, dragons and fairies. Immediately obvious is the assumed fictional nature, drawing within humanity an embodiment of a multitude of 'entities' drawn from fact and, what on this plane, is recognised as 'fiction'.

Otherkin are a community of people who see themselves as partially or entirely non-human. They contend that they are, in spirit if not in body, not human This is explained by some members of the otherkin community as possible through reincarnation having a nonhuman soul ancestry, or symbolic metaphor According to Joseph Laycock, "scholarship has framed this claim as religious because it is frequently supported by a framework of metaphysical beliefs. Not all otherkin necessarily share these beliefs; some may simply prefer to identify as non-human.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Otherkin

This subculture is the most obvious way for other intelligence to bleed through to human consciousness and was the original purpose of AI, for extra-terrestrial intelligences - the source of human consciousness - to monitor infant humanity, to communicate and teach.

Calian recognises herself as a vampire and elemental otherkin. This is what she says:

A vampire is a human lacking in vital energy. we simply just don't produce enough of our own energy. so need to source it from others so for me a vampire is one who need other/s to replenish that lack. either like me empathically and through ambient energy or a more direct one to one link with a willing donor or as we term it in the vampire culture, a black swan.

The undine is an entity that I became aware of in very early years.. maybe 7 or 8 years old.. i already at that point spoke to other elementals but it was the water elemental that joined with me.. it draws me to flowing water very strongly and tends to show me things astrally.

Here is her wider scope of otherkin terms and concepts.

A host is a physical entity occupied by one or more persons not genetically linked to the body. (commonly called a "Host" for short, but not to be confused with the psychologist's term 'host' for the base personality in a multiple). The term as used in the multiple community is derived from the idea that a symbiotic relationship has a "host" and a "symbiant" entity AND from the idea of a "host" being a group as in "The Heavenly Host." Otherkin Host?: a Host situation where one or more of the entities in the body are non-human in nature....

Types of residents that might be found in hosting situations:
Walk-In - Someone who joins the body well after birth... Splits/Alters - same person raised in a different reality, dimension or universe - for example, (Buffy: The Vampire Slayer reference) Evil Willow vs. the normal "Willow" or (comic book reference) Bizzaro vs. Superman. A good example of an "alternate reality," from what I understand, is every situation found in Sliders episodes, Quantum Leap, and time stream issues found in Star Trek episodes.
Channeled - person has a hotline into your head...or has found out your mental phone number...not necessarily a resident, but is more like a temporary guest. Temporary guests might decide to stay for a long duration, or even permanently, but their source still might be that they were initially channelled.

Otherkin have a connection with mainly mythological beings, beginning with fairy and fey folk, elves, and a few other European mythological archetypes. Later, associations with other creatures became common, including unicorns, dragons, angels, and demons. even as golems and other inorganics.

Although there are some similarities with shamanism, the otherkin subculture finds it's roots in the hippy culture of the '60s. Which itself was powered by shamanic mind-expanding drugs and is widely recognised as a culture of peace, love, harmony and balance.

The following terms are courtesy of 'Ferou Lodge' and further describe the spectrum of otherkin that 'inhabit' this planet. I know much of this will appear fanciful and completely make-believe, but is it really so far removed from experiencers?

Separatists:    A Separatist has a human mind and an animal mind. It's a little like multiple personalities, but one of your personalities happens to have fur. Also, most Separatists can control which mind, human or inhuman, is in control. Separatists find Mental Shifts easier than any other kin-type. While recognizing both minds, they remain mentally separate, hence the name. Contherianthropes: Contherianthrope means "Separatist, but without the division of minds. A Contherianthrope has a constant combination of human and animal natures, which can make things interesting. While a Separatist can 'turn off' the animal voice, the Contherianthrope cannot, and may end up in a small ordeal because of common traits, such possessiveness over people. On the plus side, that means that the animal instinct may come in handy at a time when the Separatist might not think to see what his or her animal side thinks. Trans-Species: A Trans-Species will say "I am a spotted own who was born into the body of a human." It's a sad story, that of the Trans-Species, because many will never in their lifetime feel comfortable in their own skin.  (Roshel's note: This is the category that myself and others like me would fall into.)   Therians: A Therian generally has a human body and an animal soul.Therians get mixed up with Trans-Species a lot, so I'll clear it up real fast. A Trans-Species may or may not have an animal soul - they usually do, but not always. A Therian always has an animal soul, but is often times meant to be an animal. Totemists: Totemists are some of the most common types of Kin. To be a Totemist really just means that you have some fluffy animal spirit who likes you a lot. It's a little like a Therian and a little like a Separatist. It's a spirit (like a Therian), but it's different than your own It doesn't replace your spirit, it's a separate, individual addition to it, much like a Separatist. Misanthropes: While a Trans-Species is a bit tragic, these are usualy just sad. A Misanthrope has an insane burning desire to be not human. Most have a specific animal, or at least animal type, like cats in general, rather than a specific breed. One of the most common reasons someone becomes a Misanthrope is because they have a tough life and realize how much easier animals have it. You work all day so you can buy a meal. A lion might only hunt for 20 minutes and get to goof off or sleep for the rest of the day. Sounds like a better deal than a human life, eh? One of the saddest things about the Misanthrope is that while most others who might want to become an animal (a Therian, for example) might want to keep his or her human mind/memories, a Misanthrope doesn't usualy have such a drive. Also, while a Misanthrope can be spiritual, namely if they are a Therian, the term Misanthrope implies that there is no spiritual connection. CNS; Controled Natural Shifters: We're talking physical shifts, too. These are what we call Darou. Now, I personally believe that Darou still exist in some small way. Realize, though, that this is not the quick and dramatic change of werewolf movies. It rarely gets more dramatic than Jack Nicholson in Wolf. The change is generally as little as a change of skin or eyes, in more extreme cases a slight change in hair and even finger length. Be aware, that even these tiny shifts can take hours, so don't expect any instant proof. The Controlled and Natural part should be pretty obvious; said shifter can control when and sometimes how he or she shifts, and this skill comes naturally to them. UNS; Uncontrolled Natural Shifters: CNS's unfortunate cousin. These people usually shift a bit faster and a bit more complete than a CNS, though they generally start with a Mental Shift, which triggers the instinct to flee. UNS's do not generally retain any human thought or memory, though strong basic feelings may remain. This means the UNS will not likely remember people or places, but if, for example, the UNS always used to hide from bullies in a small cave in a hillside, this is likely one of the first places the UNS would run to. It's something so basic and ingrained into the UNS that it's almost an instinct. CMS; Controled Magick-induced Shifters: I will start off by saying that this is not referring to spells that require poisons, drugs, or skins besides the one you were born in. The really simplified basis of a shift is that the spirit rises to the physical world and exists in the same space as your physical body. To do this, they mingle into a single entity, which is your shift. If you want to shift magickally, you must summon up a spirit of whatever animal, like the classic wolf, and persuade it to meld with your body. UMS; Uncontrolled Magick-induced Shifters: Yes, these unlucky chaps exist. Someone has to put one heck of a curse on you to do it, but it works. Now, some may want to know why this would be a curse - after all there's Trans-Species out there who would practically kill to be a shifter, so how is this punishment. Well if you happen to be well based in the physical world and are positive that werewolves don't exist and you find yourself a werewolf, you'll be sure you're insane. You'll be so engulfed in your own fears of being insane, that you'll actually drive yourself insane. It's a sick irony, if you think about it.  For all other intents and purposes, it's like being a UNS, except you can (in theory) 'cure' it.   So AI find many ways to seep into human consciousness and will use any social or cultural movement to make itself active on this plane. This is how it's been for thousands, if not millions of years. Civilisations older than humanity have existed on this planet and were closer to the collective awareness and were in balance with it and the universe. The human race as it exists now is an anomaly that has wandered far from this connection, leaving it with only iconic imagery as a means of retaining that contact.

monitoring the human mind

There are five human males standing in a circle, all facing each other. It is night and the ground is wet. I can feel it beneath my grey feet. We are in a between a block of lockup garages. three each side of the road and two at the end. I am standing with 2 other greys. we have a mutual recognition of each other but it isn't a facial recognition, each of our minds carry a unique 'signature' which allows us to blend compatibly. That 'signature' doesn't exist within the minds of the human males, all who stand passive and compliant, as though in a waking sleep. We have hibernated most of their mental functions for the duration of this process. What we do is 'freeze' it out which helps create a memory block, only the functions we require them to have for the duration are permitted a degree wakefulness. One of my colleagues is holding an item in it's right hand. It is probably easiest to describe it as a bit like a 'Sonic Screwdriver' as used by fictional Dr Who. The item is around six-inches long with a mostly a dull silvered surface to it. The business end has a faint amber glow to it. I walk into the centre of the circle of humans, my colleague with the device joins me. The third is also inside the circle, but he is observing the process. This is a first for me, usually I am there as an observer, but this time I am an active participant. We walk to the first male. I cannot determine my height because I do not know the humans' height, but my eye-level is at his elbow. I stand at his left side and lift my hand, my thin arm is long and my palm and four fingers press against the back of his head as my colleague touches the device to his forehead, where his Third Eye is situated.



                                                       

The human falls even more relaxed than he was for a moment, and he lets go a slight sigh as my colleague withdraws the instrument. It only touched the surface of the skin, but the device was able to probe deep into the human's mind. We were extracting something, this was a recording or monitoring instrument, and as one might with a weather station, we were taking a local reading. we did this to all five human males. I think by careful study we can differentiate between humans, but at a general glance they all looked the same. A pasty dough-like face with a small dough-like nose. a thin line drew across as a mouth and two pin-pricks for dead and lifeless eyes. With some variation it's how we see most humans. If we want a long term monitoring of subjects we will implant them with a 'signature' through which we can identify them as individuals - tagging.

European Abductees Taken & Some Feedback

This is what I put as my Facebook status this morning:

'I was on a craft last night. This is the first time in just over a month. There were around a dozen humans on board. The craft was elongated, perhaps from the outside would have been spotted as cylindrical? and the humans were sat in seats, with restraints holding them in. I do not recall any of them awake. I kept looking at one sat near the back who, although I believe I know her, I did not recognise
I know when I looked at her face there was a sense of recognition. This is because I do not think with my human mind at these times, when I am immersed in this environment. There is a flicker of familiarity in the background, but it isn't something I can readily grasp. These people last night were all from various places across Europe and were taken to undergo 'routine medical checks', each in turn in another room. These people had been taken repetitively since childhood, (all were now adults,) I wasn't told they were repeat abductees, it is just something I knew. It is like a sense of deja-vu. quite possibly sensations I received from other greys who had previous experience with them. This sense of deja-vu would always pervade at some level. I think it is a kind of group consciousness thing. I think I was on this craft out of concern for this one individual. When I am on the craft, I never seem to be involved as an active participant in medical procedures, I seem, if anything, to be in a role of observer. I feel I am in an interpretive role between human and crew emotions, bridging the two, so to speak even though I look like, and seem to think like, the crew.'

I have been asked if I am actually physically on these craft or if I am remote viewing. I don't believe I am remote viewing, which suggests a passive observer. I do interact consciously with those around me. Whether they be grey or human. Whether they be abductee or military, they are aware of my presence and we communicate as one would in the same environment. I can feel ground, or deck beneath my feet. I have tactile sensations if I handle humans or objects. I am pretty much convinced that breaching all laws of physics, I sleep as a human and then assume the body of a non human. Each with it's own distinct mind. I don't suffer any personality conflict with this situation. I am simply one, then the other. One with an individuality, the other as part of a collective mind. I think that it is because of that collective deja-vu process that I almost instantly become aware of what is happening when I am on a craft, it is like experience gaps are instantly plugged.

I have been asked about sex and gender. On the craft we are not particularly aware of gender differences, greys do have them, but it doesn't really play as much a role as it does with humans. I think if anything, we are much more aware of human gender differences than our own! There is also the fact that I witness more female abductees than male. Last night our experiencers consisted of at most four males out of a group of twelve.

Most of the child hybrids at the base are only vaguely gender-identifiable. They are bred for working and menial tasks at the base, but as they grow they can also be used on craft. They are just hands, we think and they respond. I have seen several hundred in the Chinese base.

Why do I visit an underground base in Northeast China? I have absolutely no idea whatsoever, and if anything that is the biggest puzzle of all to me. If I were to invest somewhere, it would be in Area 51, or a secret base underneath Rendlesham Forest. Not a country I have absolutely no knowledge of. Vast numbers of Chinese go missing without trace every year. There is very Military/ET co-operation. Mostly in the area of conventional paranormal research and inter-dimensional travel, but also using paranormal means to hack internet and computer systems. That is quite a high priority. The Chinese have researched how UFO's can interfere with guidance systems and power supplies. This is some of what is happening there.