Reincarnation

For reasons I need not explain here. I have decided I need to jump forward to an event that took place in 2009. But it also it needs to be mentioned that between 1993 and 2011, 18 years, I needed to sever all my ties to the UFO/contactee/experiencer community. There was a situation that demanded this to happen. Even my contact with Clive ended most abruptly, in mid letter correspondence, in fact. I just disappeared. In 2000 I lost Shelagh to diabetic complications, which removed even my links to my spiritual intelligences. I then moved as far as I could into a regular human society, attempting to conform with all the things that comes with it, yet unable to do so successfully. I began spiralling downhill and just wanted to get out of this body and go home. I had never before reached such a low point in all my life. The sense of isolation was crushing. I am not going to relate my 'lost years' in any detail because they were the most barren of my whole life. But over time, an increasing sense of new identity began to lure me, like a crysalis, something was silently developing within me. New life. The person I had been was dead. The barren years were spent as an anonymous shadow moving silently through each day. Then in the space of five years, 2004 – 2009 I underwent a form of reincarnation.

Again, I am not going to enter into any details, but come 2006 I was well on the path to gender reassignment. I had noticed looked back and noticed that since late 2003, early 2004 my entire personality traits and interests had shifted radically, and by 2005 I was to all intents a different person. I was on a path of massive dimensions that I needed to see through to the end. I was being compelled. Compelled at a comfortable rate and pace to myself. This included among other things, reviews with my GP and psychiatric evaluation. Then by 2008 I had a date for GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery.) This happened at Charing Cross Hospital in London at the end of September 2009.

Everything went well and I slept through the first 24hrs afterwards, plugged into the obligatory tubes and things. The night following that, (night 2 after surgery.) I was awakened in the night by a light. I groggily turned my head and squinted at the light, quite bright that flooded in from the corridor. After a couple of minutes of lying there. I got upright and sat on the edge of my bed. I wanted to find the nurses night station and ask for the light to be dimmed, or better switched off. So I stood and began walking across the ward towards the corridor, then stopped as a realisation hit me. I was free of the tubes. I had been certain I had at least two fed into my wrists. I turned back to my bed and saw myself lying there asleep. For some reason this didn't worry me. I do remember thinking 'how fascinating'. The body was lying fast asleep, all 'tubed up'.

I still clearly recall walking out into the corridor. It was the same familiar corridor but bathed in a bright white glow that didn't have a single source, such as a bulb or strip-light, it seemed to just be there. Along the corridor I could see the doorway off to the right that housed the nurses station. But what did hold my attention was what stood halfway between me and the nurses, who I could hear chatting quietly to themselves. Stood in the corridor, staring at me was a little grey figure. I am not going into much description because it is an image pretty familiar to most by now. Short, grey, bald and with black wraparound eyes – it looked remarkably like the 'me' that witnesses had seen.

This figure pointed to a door off the corridor, it stood next to. It was beckoning me to approach and walk through. I don't recall it lifting it's arm to point. It just suddenly was. I don't remember walking. I was suddenly next to the little critter and facing the doorway. I could see nothing in there, just bright white light.

Things are not perfectly clear at this point because I honestly can't remember if I walked into the room or not, I just suddenly seemed to be in there. Sometimes I have a feeling of remembering standing in the room, other times I just remember lying on a table. This point really is a mass of confused images and memory. But I do remember lying on the table with four of the same little creatures looking down at me. Plus a fifth face. This was the human face of someone I knew.

At this point I think I blacked out? or was sedated? I am unsure, but what I remember was before I woke up in my bed all plugged in. I had seen Shelagh stood with the grey creatures and she was smiling down at me, then I was hit by a flash of light. That point I woke up in bed. I could maybe read many interpretations into all this, but wont. I am sure the 'believer' will say I had an encounter, a disbeliever would say 'well, that's the effects of morphine for you.' Either way, when I could walk around a couple of days later, I went looking for this room the creatures had used, but the corridor I recognised had no such door, just a blank wall aside from another ward with the nurses station further along.

I only left the hospital with two certainties: First. I was back out in the world - Lucy Palmer. Second: Even as I went home I sensed a new life within me, a sense of renewed purpose – a reprogramming, so to speak. Come 2010 I knew I had to make a reconnection with Clive Potter, and as 2011 progressed, this sense of urgency increased to such a point I needed to act. I knew I needed to start work again with experiences very, very soon.

Third Transformation

Why are humans who are trapped in their concepts of reality so scathing and mocking of what lies beyond their blinkered perceptions? I have spent most of my life being questioned in the most unbelieving way by so many - even my parents! I recall when I was a child, maybe about 11. Me and my sister gathered a lot of scrap tin and detritus from the garden to try building a spaceship to get off this planet. My father apparently even discussed with my mother whether I needed medical investigation - 11 years old! the ridicule remained since that day from so many people. I eventually just found it tiring and very boring. Especially when it came from UFO researchers such as one Albert Budden who scarred considerably with his scathing attacks on me and Shelagh I do wish people could open out to just the possibility, that wouldn't hurt them, surely? even sceptics and debunkers could even just ask 'well, maybe...' But I guess when they reach their little career of books, lectures and flash-in-the-pan fame on the circuit, it is sod the possibility of truth.

Since my return to the UFO/abduction community about a year ago I have found things are a lot more relaxed and understanding. I think the interweb has brought so many into contact where as formerly it was only through magazines and conferences that a witness could make any kind of contact. There was a real sense of isolation that simply no longer exists. So at least some good has come of the web :)

Perhaps I am expecting too much of humanity. I guess they are happy in their cosy corner of reality. Like a little nest they have comfortably lined. All this will change, and they will be dragged out of their nest kicking and screaming, still trying to close their eyes to truth.




This is the Scottish rock group CEIV, their music is based on and around the UFO phenomenon. The group consisted at that time of Brian McMullen, his son Brian Jnr, and Andy Morton, (now left the group, I believe.)
The group and Clive met at my home in Reading for the recording of Shadow of Man, a production that discussed some very interesting views of the UFO phenomena
They all arrived on the Friday evening and on the Saturday before recording began, Brian Snr and Clive decided to go into town to get fresh batteries and new film for the cameras. So with me accompanying them, we left Brian Jnr and Andy Morton to organise their sound equipment.


Reading town centre at that time was much busier than it is now because it had not been pedestrianised, therefore this whole area was crowded with cards, buses and pedestrians. We found a department store with a photographic shop, brought what we required and then headed for the street. This is the position that the three of us were in as we were leaving the store when a most extraordinary incident occurred. These pictures were taken by Brian so that you can get a pretty accurate first person perspective. As you will see to start with the manner in which Clive opened the door caused him to turn at an angle. He was just gazing across the street – more intent on where we were going next.

I than followed through, going round the back of him to leave the store.

It was at this point that Brian suddenly saw my body, from the waist up, bend sharply over to the left in a series of five jerking steps until it was parallel with the ground.
As the torso hung at this angle Brian could see my left arm hanging loosely as if in response to gravity – implying that this image in front of him had mass. The right arm he couldn’t see, presumably hanging limply as well, therefore hidden by the body, again implying mass.
As my body made the five jerking moves over to the left, it turned a dull grey. Brian also noted that the head was hairless and the same dull grey as the body.
Up until this point, the lower half of my body remained normal, but as the upper body hit the parallel, it was as though it was suddenly sucked back, swiftly to an upright position in one swift move. It didn’t ‘ratchet’ like the original moves. As the grey torso settled back onto the waist and legs, Brian then noticed the lower half had now changed to match the grey alien form, although he had no recollection of seeing that happen.



The transformation now seemed complete, and in Brian's judgement the grey was about four feet tall.
Clive met and interviewed Brian a second time on May 5th 1993, and his testimony remained absolutely consistent with the original. In fact, in the second interview Brian was able to demonstrate his keen and accurate memory for facts. He was still able to recall many small and irrelevant details which had happened that weekend, minor points which Clive only remembered after he had them pointed them out.



This is taken just a couple of steps later. All Brian can see is the grey entity and Clive. To all intents and purposes I have gone. A most complete transformation that the previous two events appeared to be leading towards. See the way in which Clive opened the door, forcing him to turn at an angle – as you see here. The consequences of that means the entity passed his back – it’s totally in his blind-spot.


As the entity passed his back, it took a sharp right, thereby passing his left side.

Going out onto the street and then passing on Clive's left side caused it to be obscured very briefly from Brian’s view. He was some several feet behind the form, but when Brian got out the door and got the thing in view again, he found it had turned back into my ‘human’ form again.

As soon as Brain was clear of the shop doors, he took a wide berth around both Clive and I, his statement is:
“Once I was through the door, my instinctive reaction was to make a wide detour into the street and get ahead of both my companions so that I could get a chance to look back at her so I could see her face and reassure myself that all was back to normal”.

Having left the department store, we then headed back for a music shop because Brain wanted to compare some prices. For the remainder of our walk Brian stayed ahead of us. This resulted in me and Clive having to call ahead to give him directions as he didn’t know Reading at all.
During later questioning he said that with this experience in the doorway he felt that he’d been manoeuvred into having to observe the transformation, and that he didn’t feel that he’d any control of the situation at all. He stayed ahead of us as he didn’t want to be offered the chance of it again!
It wasn’t until much later that evening when me and Brian Jnr were recording Shadow of Man, that Brian approached Clive with the subject of his experience in town. Remember, Clive already had on record Shelagh’s previous experience of what she saw me turn into, so when he did eventually hear what Brian had to say it didn’t hit him with the same kind of impact it would otherwise have done. Brian’s caution at raising the subject is apparent in the text of his testimony. I quote:

“I chose to approach Shelagh and Clive with the incident at a time when Lucy was doing some recording with Brian Jnr, I felt this would be less embarrassing than putting Lucy on the spot with such an experience delivered without warning”.
Brian than started to speak with some caution, so much so that the inevitable cryptic statements were made, starting with:
“I saw something very unusual happen with Lucy while we were out.”
At this remark Shelagh and Clive must have given meaningful looks because Brian noticed this and leapt on it immediately:
“Two of you know something two of us don’t!”
Meaning Shelagh and Clive knew something between them as opposed to him and Andy. This went on until in the words of Brian’s own testimony:

“I then realised that we could skirt what we wanted to say all night, so I thought, ‘To Hell with it, come out and say it’. I then told them what had happened”.
So Brian told them about the incident he had witnessed. Clive later told me that as an investigator this was almost a ‘Holy Grail’ experience. Here he was observing an independent witness grapple with his own emotions and feelings as he attempted to explain something completely without parallel in his past – for Clive it was an almost unprecedented moment. He was getting a second and spontaneous account of my biomorphing – at a point where a witness is dealing with the experience at a personal level – before they even start thinking of reporting it to whoever they think may be appropriate.
Shelagh and Clive really preferred me to deal with this myself, so with her consummate skill as a hostess, Shelagh managed to get out of giving any direct answers to Brian by suggesting she go and make a fresh pot of tea!  Clive offered to help and within a few minutes had followed her out of the room. In later testimony, Brian knew through this singular act that he was onto something. Shelagh and Clive had got out of the room to decide how to handle it. For Clive, this situation supported Shelagh’s claims, and to some extent offered some substance to claims that I had on previous occasions made in private to Clive.
With the tea made Shelagh managed to get Brian Jnr and me away from the recording for a tea-break. Almost as soon as I was in the room Shelagh told me that Brian had something he wished to tell me. Brian, knowing it was all or nothing, launched into his experience.
At the end of Brian’s dialogue I simply turned to Shelagh and told her to tell him what she had seen on two occasions, and her own son had seen once.

So far as I recall, and with her usual actions suggesting an understatement and anti-climax, Shelagh went to the kitchen to prepare the food for tea!

So far as I am concerned personally. As I was leaving the store behind Clive, I felt a familiar sensation of pressure, not the former sense of being stuck in molasses, but a very heavy sensation settling over me and I knew what was about to happen. No, not here in the middle of town! I implored myself mentally. But it was to no avail. I don't have any recall of my body hinging over, but I do recall suddenly feeling I had to look up at Clive, but somehow this didn't seem an unusual angle to me, even though I was not much more than his waist height. Moments after I left the store and hit daylight. I felt the heaviness lift off of me. I felt very slightly light-headed for a second, but that was all. I do not recall reverting to my usual height. I just suddenly was.

I think next time I will review the two incidents, one occurring to me in New Zealand, one happening to Shelagh in England. Two incidents happening worlds apart but in the same year and month that seemed to be the start of everything - the trigger, so to speak.

The Second Transformation

Reality is a fluid substance, constantly shifting, remoulding, reforming. Buddhist occultists can create thought-forms of such intensity, they take on a life and solidity all their own. Theosophists spoke of the astral planes and how astral substance is a shifting sea of thought-driven substance, and how your every thought will influence it, create even for a moment, thought-forms that reflect your mental imagery. During my training under Red Eagle I saw this lower astral realm of  baser emotion and with a merest flicker of a thought could create a corresponding to that thought.

I have had to amend the date attributed to my first transformation post. I am utterly useless with dates.

The second shape-shift came just a few weeks after the first. On this occasion shelagh's son was staying with us for the weekend and it was, again, around 10 or 11pm. A programme we were watching finished and I got up to go to the kitchen, asking if anyone else wanted a hot drink. As I passed the sitting room window, (curtains were still open.) I glimpsed a brilliant white speck in my left peripheral vision. To me it appeared to be in the sky, but as it was out the corme of my eye that is only what I perceived. I turned to the other two and was about to ask if either of them saw a brilliant flare of light in the sky when suddenly I froze. I could move nothing, no limbs, head nothing. In my turning to them I had started to point out the window, so an arm was upraised in an almost pointing gesture.

Then I heard Julian, (Shelagh's son,) utter 'oh God, mum, can you see that?' I could see her nod and reply that she could. From their point of view, (told to me later.) I began to transform into what they described as a 'typical Grey'. Julians drawn image compared almost totally with Shelagh's, and was very similar to what she had seen a few weeks earlier. This transformation started, again, at my left eye and spread across my face, but this time down as far as my waist. I could still speak. I found my voice and said. 'I can't move. I feel frozen solid'. Julian got up from his chair and came across to me.

From my point of view as soon as I turned to them and pointed at where I saw the laser-like flash, I felt my body go rock rigid. Then a moment later I felt an intense cold coil it's way up from my fet to my head. It was like a thick cold snake enveloping me. It is an exaggeration to say I was frozen. I could move but I suddenly felt like I was immersed in molasses. I could move, but the effort involved was more than I could cope with. Now this is the strange thing, at the time and for some time later I thought the coils of coldness were what froze me and was crushing me as though trapped in amber. But it wasn't. Time and retrospect has convinced me I was in a pressurised suit protecting me from an atmosphere that might otherwise have been lethal and would have crushed my body. in other words the biomorphing was so complete that my familiar earth atmosphere was treating me as though I out of my natural environment!

I told them I could not move, or more precisely, the atmosphere's pressure was working against me. I saw Julian get up and come towards me. He was a lad of 19 and was a body-builder, he had a hell of a good physique and strong. As he approached me he reported later that he hit a 'barrier' he had to struggle through, he could feel an intense field around me. Eventually he got to me and grasped my arm and tried to push it down. Although he felt a little give, he could not push my arm down. He reached such levels of frustration that he was eventually hanging on my arm like it were a bar and his feet off the ground, he was not a giver-upper, but this was defeating him!

Eventually he did concede defeat and the pressure around me forced him back, as he backed away I felt the coils curling back down to the floor, and their report is that at the same time as I felt that, my torso began to reform as a human. Reality was demonstrating how it could indeed, reshape and remould even in what is generally considered 'concrete reality'

The third biomorphing was to be the most spectacular, not only to a third independent witness, but outside and in broad daylight!

Identity and Purpose

Identity has always confused and perplexed me - in fact, I don't actually have one. I have no doubt whatsoever that some conventional psychiatric framework would, however, diagnose and label me in some neat fashion.

Psychoanalyse this!
I have, for as long as I remember, felt divorced from the people around me, and from the world in general, of which I should be expected to be a part. I can go even further, I have never felt any connection with the person I appear to be. Yes, I have a physical shell which, for the most part, maintains a fairly stable form. But inside I am a perpetually shifting and reshaping energy with no individuality. But I do have an empathic connection with others of my kind.

I was into my 20s before I began to realise that I was here to 'do something', but I had absolutely no idea what it might be. I think my first and obvious assumption was that it was something to do with God, maybe a calling? But even though I looked into the Church for an answer, I felt that same persistent alienation. It was in 1978 that I met a woman who became a very close friend, this was Shelagh, a clairvoyant medium with an astonishing history of accuracy. A woman who was going to change my life completely.

Within a few months of knowing her she told me about a missing time incident she had experienced some years earlier. It was after I convinced her to see a friend who was a qualified hypnotherapist, that she recalled an astonishing tale of abduction and medical procedure buried in her memories. Only a few days after all these memories were unlocked, she started seeing a native American spirit guide next to me, a very tall and powerfully-built figure with a long head-dress. Having worked within Spiritualism she was familiar with how Red Indian guides seem to predominate, and her reaction was Oh not another one! 
She asked him mentally who he was and the Indian pointed at me and put into her mind that he was with me.
'Red Eagle' was to feature heavily in my future, in shaping my inner fluidity into something stable and consistent.

Most nights when my body sleeps is when I become my most active. I almost always leave the body and assume the form I am more comfortable in. I almost always retain a very clear memory of where I go and who I see and speak to. The single consistency is the 'road' I follow coming home to my body. I always see this as a winding country road with low hedges to either side and corn fields stretching on either side to the horizon. Even as I walk along this narrow road, I am conscious that I am returning to Earth.

Curiously, since mid-2012 I have been making regular nightly contact with people I have friended on Facebook. I had a personal account in 2009 but abandoned it for no particular reason, and then in late 2011 I felt a very strong urge to return to it, as 2012 came around there was an increasing urgency that I could not identify. I even went out of my way to reconnect with a man who I had lost contact with in 1993! This was Clive Potter, a man who had worked with me and Shelagh in those early days. I was unsure why, but there was an increasing urgency to reconnect.

I had reasons at the time to hold back from making contact, but with some encouragement from another friend of Clive's, I decided I needed to. But what I did the night before was to World-walk, as I term it, and speak to him in his sleep-state and seed him with information I require him to know as a precursor to reconnection. When I told him and showed him what I needed to, his astral bodies visibly shuddered under the impact of this knowledge. But at that point, as I walked back along the country road, I knew he would be very understanding.

This is how I work. I put information and understanding into selected individuals at a subconscious level. I guess it is like auto-suggestion programs that you listen to in your sleep, except I do it out of the body when they are at an equally lucid level and receptive. This information is then brought back to their subconscious where it incubates until it seeps through the conscious awareness.

The First Transformation

On the evening of 12th April 1984 at about 11pm, I was about to say goodnight to Shelagh, and retire to bed. I kissed her on the forehead and then pulled my face back until I was something like six inches away. Then Shelagh saw me begin to change. She saw that from my left eye a misty whitish substance flowed, it flowed out and across my face.

Her description is of very bright, silvery tadpoles, each one clearly wriggling across my face and appearing to cast its own glow. This effect spread until it covered the entire surface of my head and neck.

At its climax Shelagh describes a very large-nosed alien head and neck on top of my shoulders. The wriggling mass covering my face and neck moulding itself until it took on the appearance of a large, hooked, almost beak-like appendage coming down so far that it slightly obscured the mouth-line.
But it is the effect of the eyes that she remembered most, she described them as dominating the whole face. She says that this is probably because they were a deep, almost totally dead blackness compared to the vibrant, silvery glow which the head gave off.
This effect lasted for, at most, a minute or two, certainly long enough for Shelagh to put questions. She asked me, “Do you know you are changing?” I did hear her, but felt an inability to answer. I was aware of what Shelagh has described, but aware of it as a gentle tingling sensation spreading across my face. Shelagh recalled  the alien nodded in answer to her question. Shelagh watched with total fascination, describing herself as transfixed by it.

This was the first full face transformation I had experienced. Shelagh later reminded me that she had sat in a number of Spiritualist trance medium circles and had experience of seeing what is known as ectoplasm, a substance produced by spirits to manifest a physical appearance. However, Shelagh said that stuff was dead and lifeless compared to what she saw spread across my face. This substance she said looked alive and energetic by comparison. The end of this episode was anti-climatic. I felt the energetic tingling begin to diminish and fade, at which point I could move my head and speak. I smiled and said 'you have just seen me'.

Although there was a difficulty in movement while this was happening, I did feel a real sense of freedom and liberation. something of me was reaching to the outside world and I enjoyed it immensely. Although I have little recall of it, shelagh said that at one point I did speak and told her 'the most beautiful things' that left her wanting to laugh and cry at the same time, she said the emotions reached a climax and was the most astounding sensation she had ever experienced.

A Beginning

I do not know if I am setting out to prove anything through this blog, personally I know what I am and why I am here. But whether there is something within me crying out for recognition I do not know. I am just going to write my way through this blog and see what if anything results from it. I think one thing I am eager to put over is that I am not the only of my kind here on earth, there are many, but so few have any knowledge or understanding of what they are. I guess that indications and clues might be gained through dreams, weird and unfathomable dreams that the human entity cannot ever decode without a key to understanding.

I am very lucky in that I discovered what I am many years ago and was trained by my spiritual peers through the aid of an associate from the same source as myself.
The course of my life has taken me through the training and hardening process that enabled me to directly confront and largely thwart the intentions of a dark universal force, and prevent a global war that if successful would have decimated a large percentage of the human population and resulted in the enslavement of the survivors. That was in one of my fluid identities.

I am now a different identity and my mission is to now awaken others to their particular work. I do this on many levels, some physical but most through meeting and exposing them to truths of themselves on one of a number of astral planes.

I have found so much that was confusing in the past and even now I am perplexed and puzzled by some of what I am involved in, therefore I think that first and foremost this blog is for me to help sort my head out.