Reincarnation

For reasons I need not explain here. I have decided I need to jump forward to an event that took place in 2009. But it also it needs to be mentioned that between 1993 and 2011, 18 years, I needed to sever all my ties to the UFO/contactee/experiencer community. There was a situation that demanded this to happen. Even my contact with Clive ended most abruptly, in mid letter correspondence, in fact. I just disappeared. In 2000 I lost Shelagh to diabetic complications, which removed even my links to my spiritual intelligences. I then moved as far as I could into a regular human society, attempting to conform with all the things that comes with it, yet unable to do so successfully. I began spiralling downhill and just wanted to get out of this body and go home. I had never before reached such a low point in all my life. The sense of isolation was crushing. I am not going to relate my 'lost years' in any detail because they were the most barren of my whole life. But over time, an increasing sense of new identity began to lure me, like a crysalis, something was silently developing within me. New life. The person I had been was dead. The barren years were spent as an anonymous shadow moving silently through each day. Then in the space of five years, 2004 – 2009 I underwent a form of reincarnation.

Again, I am not going to enter into any details, but come 2006 I was well on the path to gender reassignment. I had noticed looked back and noticed that since late 2003, early 2004 my entire personality traits and interests had shifted radically, and by 2005 I was to all intents a different person. I was on a path of massive dimensions that I needed to see through to the end. I was being compelled. Compelled at a comfortable rate and pace to myself. This included among other things, reviews with my GP and psychiatric evaluation. Then by 2008 I had a date for GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery.) This happened at Charing Cross Hospital in London at the end of September 2009.

Everything went well and I slept through the first 24hrs afterwards, plugged into the obligatory tubes and things. The night following that, (night 2 after surgery.) I was awakened in the night by a light. I groggily turned my head and squinted at the light, quite bright that flooded in from the corridor. After a couple of minutes of lying there. I got upright and sat on the edge of my bed. I wanted to find the nurses night station and ask for the light to be dimmed, or better switched off. So I stood and began walking across the ward towards the corridor, then stopped as a realisation hit me. I was free of the tubes. I had been certain I had at least two fed into my wrists. I turned back to my bed and saw myself lying there asleep. For some reason this didn't worry me. I do remember thinking 'how fascinating'. The body was lying fast asleep, all 'tubed up'.

I still clearly recall walking out into the corridor. It was the same familiar corridor but bathed in a bright white glow that didn't have a single source, such as a bulb or strip-light, it seemed to just be there. Along the corridor I could see the doorway off to the right that housed the nurses station. But what did hold my attention was what stood halfway between me and the nurses, who I could hear chatting quietly to themselves. Stood in the corridor, staring at me was a little grey figure. I am not going into much description because it is an image pretty familiar to most by now. Short, grey, bald and with black wraparound eyes – it looked remarkably like the 'me' that witnesses had seen.

This figure pointed to a door off the corridor, it stood next to. It was beckoning me to approach and walk through. I don't recall it lifting it's arm to point. It just suddenly was. I don't remember walking. I was suddenly next to the little critter and facing the doorway. I could see nothing in there, just bright white light.

Things are not perfectly clear at this point because I honestly can't remember if I walked into the room or not, I just suddenly seemed to be in there. Sometimes I have a feeling of remembering standing in the room, other times I just remember lying on a table. This point really is a mass of confused images and memory. But I do remember lying on the table with four of the same little creatures looking down at me. Plus a fifth face. This was the human face of someone I knew.

At this point I think I blacked out? or was sedated? I am unsure, but what I remember was before I woke up in my bed all plugged in. I had seen Shelagh stood with the grey creatures and she was smiling down at me, then I was hit by a flash of light. That point I woke up in bed. I could maybe read many interpretations into all this, but wont. I am sure the 'believer' will say I had an encounter, a disbeliever would say 'well, that's the effects of morphine for you.' Either way, when I could walk around a couple of days later, I went looking for this room the creatures had used, but the corridor I recognised had no such door, just a blank wall aside from another ward with the nurses station further along.

I only left the hospital with two certainties: First. I was back out in the world - Lucy Palmer. Second: Even as I went home I sensed a new life within me, a sense of renewed purpose – a reprogramming, so to speak. Come 2010 I knew I had to make a reconnection with Clive Potter, and as 2011 progressed, this sense of urgency increased to such a point I needed to act. I knew I needed to start work again with experiences very, very soon.